There are certain inevitabilities that come with the passing of the night. As the moon floats higher and the alcohol flows in quicker than the bladder can expel it, you can count on a few things to occur. Nightclubs and bars in the CBD will continue to select, serve and expel patrons, and someone will get stabbed. Rival gangs will call for backup before a skirmish ensues, and someone will get stabbed. 24 hour McDonalds will continue to accommodate drunken folk who have nauseating stomachs that only the healthy and nutritious grease of a Big Mac can cure ... and someone will get stabbed. But the most mind-boggling certainty is that people actually go to the 24 hour Kmart at 3am.
I would have loved to have been in that meeting where they decided to turn the store into a 24 hour one.
Regional Manager: Your outlet is underperforming. We may have to close it down unless we find some way to rectify this.
Store Manager: Any ideas guys?
Employee who is having an affair with store manager: Um... how about we make it a 24 hour Kmart?
Elderly woman who has been working there all her life: That's a great idea! More time for people to come and shop.
Part-timer still finishing off his 14 year uni degree: Yeah!
11 year old supervisor: Nice one!
Male employee who always detours through the lingerie section: Yeh!!
Store manager: Yeh good idea Katie!
Only sane employee who is sitting in the corner of the room: errr...wtf?!
Honestly, I cannot see the concept of a 24 hour budget department store successfully passing through a meeting of people with IQs higher than 7. But it did, and you know what? It actually works! People actually go there at 3am in the morning.
I can see the usefulness of a 24 hour McDonalds. The aforementioned drunken munchies spreads through the night and is more deadly than the swine, cow and bird flu put together. For that same reason, 24 hour supermarkets are valid and useful. But Kmart?! The only reasons I can think of for going to a Kmart in the wee hours of the morning is that it's a stinking hot night, and you want to leech off the store's airconditioning because you live in a cheap rental house with airconditioning that doesn't work, or has killed someone through legionnaires disease. Or perhaps the barely coherent girl you picked up from that seedy pub has stripped down to her underwear, and you are halfway through dropping your pants before you realise that you are in dire need of rubber protection. Apparently, though, there are people that want to buy boots or a board game at 3am in the morning who can't wait until the next day.
So anyway, I'll be going to 24 hour Kmart this Thursday.
