The cousins have moved on, Julius has gone to Sydney and the folks are back to work. That leaves a somewhat bored Terence at home to flick through channels and cook up lunches consisting of unsavoury and most likely rotten bits of food lying around the place. Today's special was fried rice consisting of spam that's been sitting in the fridge for the past three weeks. Mmmmmm.
Two days ago my cousins went around the city. Rather than stay at home holding cans of insect spray as I go on a cockroach patrol, I joined them for shits and giggles. Never in my own city have I felt like such a tourist. But after going around on the tourist shuttle I was reminded of one thing. Our city kicks arse. In fact, I'd be 100% sure I would never live anywhere else if it weren't for the fact that every spring the pollen decides to declare war on my nostrils, tear ducts and throat. Sure, I can think of other cities around the world which beats Melbourne in certain areas. But overall, we're a nicely rounded place that's exceptional in pretty much every aspect of a city...except maybe our public transport system which could be better. Which leads me to the next thing.
Melbourne is a fantastic place to live - often voted number one most livable city (along with Vancouver and I think Vienna). Sydney is different. It is a squat toilet. Granted, yes, it's been almost a decade since I visited Sydney. But there's a good reason why it's been almost a decade - it's a squat toilet. Quite frankly I would rather take a crap in the comfort of my own home without the need to sustain an adequate quadriceps contraction. Ok, if you asked me to go to Sydney with you I'd happily come along. I'd go there for their beaches, the harbour and circular quay. Then for the rest of the trip I would incessantly whine and bitch to you saying that the city is an overrated part of the world, with a success and fame that is attributable to the idiocy of all the Americans and South-East Asians who believe that it's the capital of Australia.
Let's analyse...
Live entertainment, music and comedy? Sydney has their opera house. But the last time I checked you can only have a few gigs at a time there. I'd rather have our luxury of finding a gig every second building along the little lanes. Oh, and we have the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.
And what about gambling? Star City Casino? Hah! A pokies room compared to Crown. Where is the inaugural $5 million Aussie poker championship being held at again? Oh that's right, at Crown.
Fashion, design, visual arts.... advantage us.
Sport... Sydney has the SCG, the golden slipper and the 2000 Olympics. We have the MCG and the Melbourne Cup (which is devoted an entire public holiday). No contest. By the way, we had the Olympics 44 years before you. Oh, there's also the F1 Grand Prix, the MotoGP, and the Australian Open Tennis. And at least the AFL is uniquely our own and not something taken out of England like, oh perhaps...rugby.
Food? Ok, bit of a tie perhaps. But then again Lygon St. makes Sydney's equivalent look foolish. And the Chinatowns? Well there's a reason why our Flower Drum is argued by some to be the best Chinese Restaurant outside of China. A 3 month waiting list can't go wrong!
Aesthetically our city looks unique, with our tram lines and old school Victorian buildings. Sydney tries to find its own niche, only to find itself riding on the trump card that is their natural harbour to make it look different to every other Vanilla city in the world.
And infrastructure. Oh man, at least in Melbourne we can turn left or right when we want to!
What else... Centrepoint Tower? Rialto beats you.
Haymarkets? Queen Vic Market...
Central Station? Flinders St. Station...
Gardens? Hello!... "Victoria - The Garden State"
I'll give Sydney a few things. Their beaches and The Rocks beats our equivalents. But then if I wanted that I'd go to Queensland. And their harbour trumps anything we can muster. The Opera House? Well there's a reason why the original architect - a European dude - left the project halfway through its construction, and refuses to visit it even today. It's because the Sydneysiders pissed him off too much, like all typical Sydneysiders.
But there's one thing that would've made Sydney our bitch. Named after one of the original inhabitants John Batman, our city used to be called BATMANIA!!! With that name this debate wouldn't even take place.
