Happy New Year! May the onset of this new year bring you the enthusiasm of renewed ambitions and the hope of more success before the reality of it doing the complete opposite sets in! My new year's resolutions are thus:
- Exercise more often, jogging at least twice a week as opposed to twice per year so that I can one day outrun a three year old kid.
- Play less dangerous driving games such as tap the brakes in front of the tailgater or overtake the speeding mac truck on this freeway bend or my personal favourite, how many times can you change lanes in 100 metres?
- Read more books in the hope that my English skills will become superior enough that I need not use random analogies when explaining things or so that my arsenal of cuss words extends beyond just the F-bomb.
- On that subject, use swear words less and replace them with smart, witty remarks such as "go home and drink your tea you English excuse for a batter" or "oh dear, it appears that my little toe has unintentionally stubbed the edge of the door and is now bleeding profusely".
- Actually eat a piece of fruit at least once per day...ok, maybe that's asking too much. Eat a piece of fruit at least once per week so that my body will one day experience the magical feeling of "being regular".
- For exercise reasons, eat less drive-in Hungry Jack's food and eat more take-away Hungry Jack's food.
- Play less PS2 and get out more in the hopes of making less imaginary friends, and perhaps more real ones.
- Clean my desk more often so that I will not break my record of finding a notice dating back four years ago buried underneath everything else.
- Use the spare change and not the notes when paying for things so that the amount I have in coins sitting on my desk will not be more than the total amount in my bank account.
My predictions for the year 2007:
- St. Kilda will finally win the flag after West Coast forfeit just before the Grand Final in Melbourne. This is due to the stupidity of their entire roster getting arrested after forgetting that all Victorian booze buses also now test for drugs. After being reported missing, Ben Cousins' car is also mysteriously found about 50 metres before the bus.
- Richard Branson will have built his spaceship by the end of the year and retreat, with his kids, to his secret society stationed on the far side of the moon.
- After pulling out of Iraq, George Bush will then set his sights on Kim Jong il and North Korea, with the reason that "this time there definitely are weapons of mass destruction there!"
- In a massive swing of opinion polls, John Howard will have a 95% approval rating by the year's end due to the combination of his decision to pull the troops out of Iraq and the civil war within Labor in which the five party leaders they go through during the year all end up killed by gunfire sprayed at each other.
- A breakthrough in science allows the first ever scheduled construction of a nuclear fusion reactor. Hippies around the world become divided as even though it is a clean, renewable energy source, it still contains the word "nuclear".
- By October we will be in stage 47 water restrictions whereby each family must have 10 buckets sitting outside when it finally rains, and then they must travel to their local dam and put that water in it once the rain is finished. You may also only drink just one glass of water X times per month. X being the number of letters in your surname. Authorities will forego issuing warnings but rather go straight to issuing on-the-spot sentences of death by simulated dehydration to any offenders.
In seriousness, let's all pray/hope/wish/dance that we get a decent amount of rain this year. :(
